What the hell does structural change mean??

So I went and got an MRI and the nurse who called me with the results was so clueless! She calls me and simply says its a "mild structural change" I say I don't kinow what that means, she says neither do I!! WTF! And they let you make the call?? So now I am left to wait for that answer till Monday that I go in and see the neuralagist, hopefully he is a little more bright then that chick. So anyway, you might say, I should be a little nervouse a little worried about it but I really am not. I'm more curiouse about finding out what "structural change" means I did the whole google thing and that did freak me out a little because of the results I got, so I stoped googling and will wait for the results from a professional on Monday. I can't live with fear of what if's in my life because if I did, I would not be alive.

That Love Hate Relationship!

Ok this post is going to be all venting! There are small moments when I want to punch my husband in the face! Now I know he has those moments too I'm sure but man, right now I could really really do it! I hate when he makes me feel like I'm stupid, and he is good for that sometimes, cause he is the smartest person in the world, who never makes mistakes and is perfect all the way around!!! Uggg!!! Sorry you have to read me rave about this but I had to start writing cause I felt like punching something so instead I began to type. The world that are coming out of my mind right now are sooo freaking bad!! I I am soooo freaking pissssseeed off. UUUUGGGGGG!!! Ok, this is stupid, I think I will go play some COD5 and kill some ppl to make me feel better. Stupid husbands!

Immigrants

You know I try not to think about the immigration situation but everywhere you go you see it. I mean there is not one kitchen that does not have a Mexican in it, at least it seems like it to me. My family were immigrants my father came to the U.S looking for a better future for his family, and after so many years he questions if he made the right choice. I mean my father had lots of land in Mexico land that was passed down to him by my grandfather, he built my mother a house which they still own. Why did he decide to come to the U.S and bring all of us here? Well because I think he knew that there really was no future for us in Mexico. I am truly grateful to him for making the decision he did, I feel he was not thinking about himself but more about us, I mean really what would we do there? Get out of high school and get married? Uggh no thanks! I don't think many people understand why Mexicans or any immigrant for that matter want to come to the U.S.A. well mainly because its the land of opportunity, opportunity to be someone, do something with your life, other then get married and have children, and then struggle to feed your family because of the lack of jobs. I have family that are living here illegally and they work so hard to try and provide for their family. I mean my uncle, when he gets laid off and is struggling, he drives around looks for scrap metal and does little side jobs to try and provide for his family. You might say like well go look for another job, well its not that easy for an immigrant to do that. Can you imagine, times get so hard for people who are citizen and can't find a job with papers, now can you imagine how much harder it is for an immigrant? Well this is also where employers take advantage of that, a citizen will not work for no $4.00 an hr hard labor job, well an immigrant will. Why cause they know that their chances are very slim to get a job anywhere. So who is to blame here? Who should you hate here or be mad at? The immigrant or the employer? It's pretty sad cause you have people who are lazy and just don't want to work and just like to live off the system, and yet they bitch about immigrant taking their jobs, jobs they don't even care for. Whatever. This is a very hard thing for people like me who have family who they see struggling every day to make it, and then know people here hate them and want them out of this country. Wasn't some of this land taken from others?? Yea I think so.

Will you still love me??

My dear friend made a very good post today on her blog lonely lesbian and well this speaks to not only a homosexual relationship but also applies for heterosexual relationships also. I mean when your looking for that someone to be able to spend the rest of your life with what is it that your looking for? Are they beautiful? Are they good in bed? Do they know how to cook? There are soo many things that can help us in determining "The One" but I think you when your asking yourself these questions your should throw this one out there too. If the looks, sex, cooking is no more will I still want to be with this person? FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE? Yea, cause the look change, the sex yes it changes and the cooking well normally I think if your a good cooker that doesn't change but you shouldn't commit cause of that lol. Anyway get my point? Once those superficial things are gone, will the love still be there? Will you still want to be with that person for the rest of your life? The answer better be yes, or your in big trouble! And even though I will be the first to admit sex does have a big impact on your relationship it is not by any means the rock of the relationship. So iamfiction I think your quest to find love is being driven by the right things! Don't give up and one day you will find that someone. Sorry cutting it short running out of time lol. Laters!

Focus! Focus!

I seemed to have a hard time focusing today. To many thoughts in my head. It's like I want to do soo much but can't find the time to do it. OH yea and on top of wanting to do so much, I want to have time to play too. Yea I know I'm dreaming. OH yes and speaking of focusing, Naz Naz Naz lol. Girly you need to stay off those meds during work hrs, cause next time I think your head is going to hit the table chica. Sorry that was just another one of my random thoughts. I feel so distracted by everything, maybe this is how it feels to have ADD. I can't post anything else, its going to keep getting worse and worse, I think I will end it now. :-) I'm gonna make a note to myself to ask Sumer for that Acai Energy pill, she said it helps focus, I wonder if it works. I'll let you all know after tomorrow. Goodnight!

Gray Hairs

I look at myself in the mirror as I am approaching my 34th birthday, I look at my hair and cannot believe all the white hairs I have!! But the funny thing is I don't feel old at all. I honestly feel very young at heart. Yes my body might say otherwise but my heart and soul still feel young. I still love all the things I did when I was younger. I love to dance! I love to hang out with my friends! Course I don't do these things as often as I would like since our lives do change and so do our priorities. I mean now I have 2 beautiful children I have to tend to and a husband who is like my 3rd child. :-) And I love them all very much and well THEY are my life now. But I think its important to remember who we are and to remember the things WE enjoy, cause I believe when you start forgetting the things that make you smile and laugh well that's when you begin to see yourself age. I can understand however how it can be hard to keep smiling and begin to feel sad about aging. I mean geez everywhere you look you see all of these beautiful young girls with their skinny little bodies, no stretch marks from having babies, flat bellies and well its hard to not think that your husband is checking them out or worse comparing you ugghh! *bad thought* oook soo.. Gotta keep thinking positive thoughts and well it also takes some sacrificing on your part too, I mean I try and stay active to try and keep them pounds off and well stay in as much shape as I can with the little time I do have for myself. But the most important thing I think time has taught me is to never ever compare yourself with anyone else! I had my time, I enjoyed it and I would not change a thing about it. If I sat and thought and compared my body with these young woman, I would be the most depressed old raggedy woman there exist! So I just have to remember that I have been there done that and now I am who I am and have a wonderful husband who loves me for me and not my body! (that's for sure) And yes I'm getting older but I am also getting wiser. :-)

And yes my post will most likely be this random and all over the place, so if you plan on following get use to the roller coaster of a little bit of everything and nothing at the same time. Hasta Luego!

Oh yea I'm debating, should I color my hair to cover my greys? or should I let nature takes it's course?

p.s.s oh yea and if my 2 copy friends are reading this they are probably having a heart attach right now! Witting is not my strongest points. lol